money sucks. at 21 i was $40,000 in debt. and i still am. fucking college.

I am pretty upset because this year has not started well. And right now im in the middle of another dilema. Here are the cliffnotes: With the honest intentions of going back to school in the fall I moved in with the parents in january- to save money for a backpacking trip to europe. europe was called off. so i save money to get my own place, with the honest intentions of finally finishing school in the fall. I find a place, I have a job to pay rent, things are good. Alright, little know fact for those of you who aren't into the student loan hell i am- IF YOU ARE NOT A FULL TIME STUDENT YOU HAVE TO START PAYING BACK YOUR LOANS. How the fuck can I afford to work full-time to support myself, and go to school full time? Unless I wake up tomorrow with the body of a stripper its not happinin. So, im faced with having to work 2 jobs so i can pay rent & co. and student FUCKING loans. I really truly have honest intentions of going back and finishing school- I want my degree damnit! My plan was to go to school part time, with my parents helping me out financially so it would be possible.... nope. Needless to say Im stressed out. I dont know what to do :(

What a past few weeks it has been... probably the most confusing, frustrating, emotional, and stressful weeks i've had this year. Somehow in the midst of all the craziness God seems to calm me down and show me the light at the end of the tunnel. Not to say that things are all cleared up, cuz they are NOT... Im going to take next semester off *GASP!* yeah yeah yeah, college students are pretty much forbidden to ever utter those words and I have just yelled it at the top of my lungs. I'm not going to never come back, I just need time to re-evaluate what the hell Im doing out here. Im wasting my time, and my parents $$. I need this, and it is just ONE semester of my ENTIRE life... when talking to LC the other day (who always has wise words to share), she brought up the point that there isnt one set way to live your life, who says that you have to come right out of HS and complete 4 more years without a break-(because that is just what you do right?), it's not about the order that you do things in- because life is not about the destination, its about the journey. That was all pretty much verbatum... haha, but it did put things in perspective for me. Galen even had some words of wisdom for me... man I love my friends.

Im taking that time to do what I've always tried to do during school, but school always got in the way.... fitness modeling. This way I wont have to skip workouts because I have to study or I have class. I can get it done finally.... Im not done yet.

I'm strongly thinking about going to San Diego State, in fact, im pretty sure Im applying. I need some place new and fresh to start over. Abilene is depressing. I miss SoCal, my home. SDSU has a cool nutrition program, that HSU doesnt offer, that excites me. I have a lot to do before that happens, and its going to be a hassle, but strangely enough, I feel totally ok about it. Im ready to get things rolling, its about time.